Lies and Twix

I identify with this girl.

Last night we went to the least hoopty Wal-Mart near me because there are two and this one's further away but it's nicer, to get some of life's essentials: Green Lantern underwear, some kiddie bathing suits, and some giant plastic containers to shove my closet into when I attempt to clean it at some point probably never (with pink lids and that snap, too! Bonus!)

I was in the checkout line when I made a gametime decision and stuck a double Twix on the belt BECAUSE IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AND I EFFING NEED SOME CHOCOLATE DAMMIT.

I added it quite inconspicuously behind the large bins so as to not draw attention to it and have to share. MINE, ALL MINE!

Of course the lady blew my cover and stuck it near the credit card swipey thing and they both spotted it from their little cart-seats, got giddy and got that crazy candy-gleam in their eyes.

So I quickly said, "Look over there!" and pointed out the door (yes that still works) and I stuck the Twix in one of the bags, while giving the cashier the stink-eye. She got my point.

I thought it was all done and overwith but my 5 year old has a mind like a steel trap and that's why distracting him with shiny objects never ever worked, not even as a baby. It used to make me crazy when people would say, "Just distract him!" because they didn't understand, THAT DOESN'T WORK.

Of course he didn't let it go.

Out in the parking lot, Mommy, where did that candy go?

Candy? What candy?

"I put it back," I find myself telling him.

Yes. I lied. I am not proud.

And I just want you to know I don't make a habit of lying to anyone, including my 5 year old, I might leave out some information to my kids and offer information on an as-needed basis, but I always tell the truth so I don't even know why I lied, perhaps because of the overwhelming urge to NOT SHARE in this situation I don't know. Hormones make you do crazy things. Like lie to your 5 year old about candy.

I am like Gollum the Twix is "my precious."

I see his face registering, not letting it go but not bringing it up again either but I'm waiting for it.

Whew.

It is dropped.

We go to McDonalds to meet my dad and have some ice cream near the play area (yes, the ice cream was the immediate fix, it is nonfat ice cream if that makes you feel better, the Twix is for the reserves. Don'tjudgeme.)

After the lunacy and germfest of the play area and the giant iced coffee I got, we head home.

It's way past bedtime.

The car conversation goes like this:

Aidan: Mommy, I want you to prove bedtime. (I can tell he has no idea what he means.)
Me: What do you mean?
Aidan: What does 'prove' mean?
Me: It means you have to see something in order to believe it.
Aidan: I want you to prove you gave back the candy.

Dammit!

So we get home and as I'm getting the bags out, I shove the candy in my purse. Because I'm not going down for a Twix!

We barely get into the door and they want to immediately put on their dinosaur and Green Lantern underwears that they picked out so one is busy getting nekkid near the front door and the other one is rifling through the bags, I'm assuming, looking for the Twix.

He comes up empty.

He puts on his Green Lanterns, everyone helps clean up our messes from the day and we get ready to watch the tail end of Diego. It has now been hours since Wal-Mart.

Mommy, I want to see inside your purse.

What is this? Freakin CSI?

Of course I immediately feel like I've stashed a body or something and I'm busted but it's just a Twix and I try to remember that as the guilt begins to overwhelm me.

I make up yet another lie. Well it's not in my purse, if I'd have kept it, it'd have been in the bags.

What is wrong with me!? I may as well have said, "So there, nanny nanny boo boo," after that.

(Thank God I thought ahead to put my purse in my room. Yes, somewhere deep down, I knew he'd ask to look in my purse.)

I'm stressed out about the web of Twix lies I've weaved. And ashamed.

As well I should be, I'm setting a terrible precedent here.

I can hear the Twix from the other room now, it is like the Telltale Heart it just gets louder and louder reminding me of my inner chocolate-filled pms devil.

I need to stop this and go out in the garage and eat this thing already before someone catches me.

I'll see ya later.

Tips on How To Work From Home

This looks like a post about tips on how to work from home but after a week full of frazzledness, uncooked meals and a pile of laundry waving its white flag at me from my office, I am not offering up tips on how to work from home. Instead, I am asking you, no, begging you for tips on how to work from home. And I don't mean how to get a job working from home, but how to manage working from home.

Because right now, it's beyond me.
You see, I found myself a new gig. One that is paying, one that is fun, and one that I am really going to like.

And best of all, it's from home.

I mean, it's a sweet gig. I'll tell you more about it later when things launch because I am working on a launch and these kinds of things are always so very scary exciting!

But years ago, I gave up working a pretty great job as a producer at our news station here to stay at home with my then-newborn who is now 5. I didn't want to miss anything and my husband's job was good enough for us to not go crazy but enough for me to stay home.

Over the years, I've done some working from home, some writing, some copyediting, but mostly it involved contributing to websites, blogs and obsessively writing my own blog because the words are always in my head.

The other day when I was doing "actual" work for whence I will get "actual" money, my son came over to me and asked me if I could engage him in a light saber battle.

And so I took a few minutes, we light-saber battled until he got bored with me and then I returned to my work as they played.

It made me think, ya know, I write all the time. I might as well get paid for it. And in the end, if I can do it and not miss anything like a spur of the moment light saber battle, then that is my personal heaven.

I just hope it works out this way. If it doesn't, you know a blog post will be brewing.

Yes so far, it is my cake and I'm eating it too.

What I am not eating, however, is the healthy homecooked meals I'm known to make, my floors are a mess, the house is in shambles and the laundry is sending me SOS signals from my office.

Things are dire around here. For realz.

(Yes I see the irony of writing a post about a messy house when I could be cleaning it.)

But I am calling to you, mothers of the world, what are your personal saving graces for working from home? For working at all? And getting anything in the world done?

I am sure that it must involve something like a schedule, so please, feel free to share yours!

This is a transition I am not used to yet and I am constantly overwhelmed.

So please, feel free to share all of your advice!

BODIES.

Oh these bodies of ours. They can throw us for a loop so much can't they?

I'm sitting here with my giant jug of water that makes me look like a hamster when I drink it.

Hydrating because tomorrow is a really big race. St. Anthony's Olympic distance triathlon. One of my two really big races of the year (the other is the Augusta 1/2 Ironman in September.)

Right now it's 9 o'clock in the morning and we're supposed to be walking in the March of Dimes' March for Babies. I raised just over $700, just under my goal but still, our team as a whole raised about $6,000. (Thanks to all of you who donated directly and through Bondies for Babies! I love you!)

I wish I could see if our team won the family teams award like last year. My wagon is sitting in the front room all decorated because our theme was "NICU SURVIVOR." My son and I were going to wear camo.

It is the first time since my son was born that we didn't walk in this walk.

It feels weird and makes me want to cry.

My little one was up last night with a terrible fever and throwing up. I could have gone on the walk this morning with my older one, but I needed to take over the "next" shift after my husband pulled the all-nighter. Well I didn't need to, he could've handled it, but you know how it is. I got up and saw my husband sleeping on the floor in my little one's room and knew. I needed to be here.

My son got sick last night and I missed the walk today, but he slept in, we got up, I saw him eat again, I cleaned him up, sanitized his room, got everyone else fed and let my husband relax a little, instead of leaving at 6 a.m. to cram the 3 mile walk pulling a wagon into the day and worrying the whole way how he's doing and not enjoying that moment.

It's hard to let go of some of the things that are so important to me, like this walk.

But I'm trying a new approach to things and it's called (brilliantly), "letting go."

It's also called "cutting my losses," "living in the moment" or "come what may." But any way you put it, I'm trying to be at peace and guilt and sadness free with what happens and being one with my decisions.

It's not so easy though.

And it takes practice. I'm still practicing.

Now we're in sickness roulette, one of us may get it or NONE of us will get it! Who knows!? It's a wonderful game, isn't it!

And who knows, we might not race at all tomorrow.

But either way I'm ready for it.

And I'm hydrating with my giant water bottle.

Come what may, right? It's moment by moment up in here. I'm not anticipating anything and at the same time I'm anticipating everything.

So.

If no one is sick by 2 o'clock, I am picking up my race packet. If no one is sick by 8 o'clock tonight, I'm going to bed.

If no one is sick by 3 a.m., I'm waking up.

And if no one is sick by 7:30 a.m., I'M HEADED OFF INTO THE WATER in my orange swim cap. (ORANGE?! I WANTED PINK! But orange is my son's favorite color. That has always cracked me up and will definitely carry me through the swim. Even if I do look like fruit.)

Of course, I get almost everything that comes into this house so there is a good chance I may not be racing at all! However, the last time one of my sons pulled an all-nighter, no one else miraculously got it, so I'm clinging on to that. Strike that. Actually I'm just going to be one with whatever happens. Mkay? Now I'm just incessantly talking for the sake of hearing myself type.

For now, I hydrate.

If I go to bed tonight without any illness, I will post my traditional "Night before St. Anthony's" poem around bedtime and you'll know that I'm racing.

And tomorrow I will mobile post a picture from transition and you'll know I made it. (Of course I'll be tweeting from @christieo the whole time so you might know what's happening before then.)

But if it's Sunday and you're reading this, definitely one of us is hovered over the bowl, ok? So throw some "hope it passes quickly!" thoughts our way.

How to Open a Coconut or How NOT to Open a Coconut, rather.

A couple of weeks ago my son became transfixed by a coconut in the store.

He needed the coconut. He wanted the coconut. I said ok, let's get the coconut.

He carried it around proudly for most of the day and after dinner we decided to open it up.

I did not look on the internet ahead of time on how to do this.

AND THAT THING IS HARD! (That's what she said.)

For your reference, don't do this:

It doesn't work.

This does not work either.

No matter how strong your thighs are.

Eventually we got it open but also you can see the variety of tools we used to try to get it open, none of which actually worked.

What did work was the flat side of a meat tenderizer. Eventually I did look on the internet (sort of) and used the meat tenderizer to beat the crap out of it.
That worked. It was a nice release of some built up frustration, too, if I might add.

However.

Had I searched a little further I'd have found out that coconuts have a "sweet spot" or a seam.

If you bang that seam (not tap, but bang) with the blunt end (not the blade) of a chef's knife, meat cleaver or some big heavy knife (in my case, a meat tenderizer) while turning the coconut and following the seam (doing all of this over a cup or a sink to catch the water inside), it'll eventually split open. And also you'll look like you know what you're doing.

Unlike the madness that was a mom and a dad pulling out tool after tool after tool, frazzled and baffled, with children underfoot trying to figure out how to break open a coconut.

Oh, and a brick or rock or edge of a concrete slab can also be used according to WikiHow which also provides several other useful methods for opening a coconut. Including my personal favorite and most brilliant in my opinion:

"If nothing works you can wrap the coconut in a towel, then hit it with a hammer."

The other one super useful thing I missed out on by not looking it up on the internet is how to get the meat out.

That was another challenge.

How do people stranded on a desert island survive on coconuts without the internet to properly instruct them?

(Do they get 4G coverage there perhaps?)

You can freeze pieces of the coconut for 30 minutes and you can scoop the meat out easier. But I didn't do that (of course.) You can also stick the coconut in an oven on 350 for 20 minutes (after you've drained it first) which will cause the meat to separate from the shell on its own. Didn't do that either.

I scraped and I dug and eventually I got some pieces out.

Which he enjoyed. And I had just enough energy to scrape out a tidbit for myself before I was tired of looking at this thing and not in the mood for it anymore.

The other one lost interest after the chaos of banging the coconut was over. He's not pictured from here on out, he's off doing more interesting things like picking his nose or running around naked because that's how he rolls.

So there you go! How NOT to open a coconut!

It should have taken us about 5 minutes.

The whole process for us was about 30. Not counting the time spent ogling it of course.

But hey. We've got memories now, right?

Road to Disney? Pitstop: MIAMI. The Post Where I Psych Myself Up.

I hope you're sitting down having coffee right now because we're going to be here a while and I hope you'll stick around to the end because I could really use some comfort and inspiration and motivation to keep me going through this week.

Oh, I remember this feeling right now.

It was a week before my first Olympic distance triathlon.

I was scared.

Of the murk, of the distance, of the stories of large fishies swimming about near the pier.

SCARED.

I spent the entire week before the race putting my head in a happy place. I would get nervous and then I'd calm myself by retreating into my happy place in my head and then I found a song that made me feel at one with the earth and the water and it calmed me too.

I didn't do that great in the last swim I did in the Suncoast Triathlon so I'm rebounding off of that. And this next one's a new place to swim; a lake, with alligators, which I haven't done before. And I don't even get to practice in it. (Neither does anyone else, if that counts, which it does.)

Back when my husband registered us, I thought I had months and months and months to mentally prepare myself to get over it.

Which I did. Have months and months, that is.

But they passed.

Quickly.

Because it's here. In less than a week, it's here. And I find myself Googling things like "triathlon fear" and "alligators" and "sharks" and reading everything I can about people's experiences so that I might again put my fear at ease because I don't know where it came from and resurfaced from again or how.

This is the last race of 2010. No pressure, really. And it's my biggest one ever, a 1/2 Iron. Again, no pressure.

When I began my Googling frenzy, I ran across this. It is about Ironman, but I think it applies to any race including mine this weekend and any race of yours, if fear is something you must overcome. Like me.

"When you begin to have doubts about your ability, or when the fear of failure begins to haunt you, its time to take a step back and consider how far you have come.

It may not seem like it on race-day, as you are surrounded by hundreds of athletes, but in the big scheme of things, few people in the world will ever attempt what you're about to do. Believe in your training, your preparation and ability. When the fear-factor is overwhelming as the race nears---regardless if its the swim or the bike or just fear of failing---remember this:

There are hundreds of other athletes who will feel the same as you on race morning. You are all on the same journey together. The goal is a common one. It is this united spirit that will help calm the fear-factor and take you through the day. There will be several thousand volunteers and thousands more spectators and friends and relatives who will all play a part in your amazing journey.

They will be behind you when your fear is greatest, your inspiration when you doubt and your strength when you tire.

You are truly amazing just to reach the start line. Just to have gotten to that point makes you a resounding success, so how can you possibly fail?

You have erased the doubts you once had that you would even find yourself on the beach awaiting the starting gun. You are in the best condition of your life and have the admiration of everyone around you as you prepare for the greatest experience of your life."

I admit I am way more nervous about this race than I am of Disney in January. At least as of this writing. Get back to me on the eve of that race day.

But my favorite part of that passage is the part about having just gotten to the starting line at all. Which is why I'll do well on Sunday. Which is why I MUST do well on Sunday. I have worked for this. And THIS is my payoff. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to take a step back and see how far I've come this year, in 2010, which is coming to a close.

I have logged hundreds of miles
I have logged dozens and dozens of hours. I don't know how many hours but it's a lot.
I have cried.
I have walked instead of run.
I have puked.
I have sweated out an enormous amount of sweat.
I have eaten pounds of GU and drank gallons of water.
I have taken ice baths, had migraines, cuts and bruises.
I've lost a toenail.
I've fallen over on my bike at zero miles an hour.
I've swam for miles and miles.
I've gone through hours of arguments with my own head and I have won them.
I have, indeed, found coping mechanisms for fear.
I've learned that fear of "sharks" or "alligators" is a metaphor for a deeper fear, one of failure or of disappointing yourself.
I have found out my body works BETTER after an hour's worth of exercise. That it feels better after 5 miles than it does after 2 miles and the trick is just that I.JUST.KEEP.GOING!
I found out that even when you think you're spent, there's more left in the tank.
I've found that a metaphor for life.
I have found inspiration in the weirdest of places. On a bathroom wall. A napkin. A postcard. An Adam Lambert song.
I have found motivation through people, through family, friends, in real life and here online, on Twitter, two doors down, through my husband, my babies, the Tri Warriors, at 9 o'clock at night at the gym or at 5 a.m. at the Dunedin Causeway or at dawn standing on the beach before a race.
I have found that at 35 and as a mother of two, I am stronger than I have been at any other day in my whole entire life and it took me 35 years to believe that I truly can accomplish anything.
I have taken pictures, mental and real, of the beauty that surrounds me when I train or when I race and I have countless moments where I was overwhelmed by them.
I've found out that you actually can't fail if you just keep moving, no matter how fast or slow you are going. It's almost physically impossible, to be honest. Because once you're there, you're there. You might fail against your own expectations, but you will not fail to finish.
It is however, not mentally impossible to fail. That's why it's best to turn that thing off.
And just have FAITH. In all you have done and all that you are.

To have gotten to this place.

I deserve to be standing on the water's edge, with all of those other women ages 35-39.

I deserve to swim into my happy place, around the lake once, and then around it again where the alliganies will be long gone and I can enjoy the crystal clear water on my face.

I deserve to bike out that straightaway, then make two loops and ride 56 miles. And then afterward, I deserve to run through the Miami Metro Zoo, past the tigers and the elephants and zebras and giraffes and past the 6 water stations, twice. For a total of 13.1 miles.

I deserve that.

It is quite outside my boundaries.

At this moment, the race course is just sitting there, with a start point and a finish point, and my job is to just go from point A to point B in whatever amount of time it takes me to do it.

70.3.

All for me.

Like a G6. Wait a Minute. What's a "G6?" God I'm Old.

You know you're old and out of touch when a song comes on and it's very much in English, yet...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THE WORDS MEAN.

Like the song "Like a G6."

In which the first line is a dead giveaway. Because I have no idea what a "G6" is. (This is the part where you don't judge me.)

The first time I heard the song I loved it! It was in Vegas and I was out at a club dancing with my husband (see? I'm hip!) and wearing a new hot pink shirt (very, very hip!) and actually getting hit on in front of him, (super duper hip! Although let's face it, if I were hip, I wouldn't say 'super duper' would I? Darn.) And we were dancing like we had a couple drinks and we just met (ahem) and I loved this song so much!

It made me want to get my groove on.

And I did.

Until of course, I turned to him in such a way and asked, "Did she just say 'cheese stick'"?

"Um, no honey. She said, 'G6'" he tells me drunkenly lovingly.

And I shrugged, took a sip of my drink and danced away.

Eh, G6, cheese stick! They sound the same, right?

I mean why wouldn't she be singing a song about a "cheese stick" anyway?!

Plenty of things can be like a cheese stick! I don't know what they are, but I am sure that there's something!

And it sure seems like something yummy to sing about! (And if it's low-fat or part-skim, even better!) At least my toddlers would say so anyway, right? They'd love a song about a cheese stick.

But it turns out she's saying, "Like a G6" and of course I don't know what that means, even being back from Vegas for a couple of weeks now. And it didn't bother me about what it was until I heard it again and again on the radio and I was still sort of dancing in my seat to it (because I only hear it in the car).

But then I realized there are other words in there I don't understand.

So I'm driving around in my mini-van after successfully couponing and saving my family 83 bucks (yes! The coupons and the buy one get ones -- I saved 83 bucks! $200 in groceries for about $120!! I'm that awesome.) and I am pulling out of the store in my minivan after my successful couponing venture and I am listening to this song and thinking to myself how I really have no idea what these words are. It's not even like I don't know what they mean, I truly truly don't know what they are!

Like: "slizzard," "sizzurp," and then something new called a "three 6." Which incidentally rhymes with "G6."

Go figure.

So I get home and I turn to my old friend, my husband, who is about 50% helpful ("I think it's a kind of a car! But sizzurp is a gin and juice, I'm pretty sure.")

And usually I'm good with the "figuring out what words mean in context" thing, but on the radio I hear "syllable syllable syllable G6!" "syllable syllable syllable SLIZZARD" and I don't know what's happening.

So then I contact my other old friend, Google, which comforts me because as I type in the question: "What is a G6?" I see that someone else has typed the question too and even someone else has typed the question but it says, "What in the bloody hell is a G6?" which is sort of how I felt but I didn't ask it that way.

So Google tells me it's a type of airplane. She's flying like a G6. OK, I get it now.

And when I Google the song and read the lyrics, I can now put two and two together because now it's not all garbledy on the radio, there is now actual context and I figure out for myself that "slizzard" is a slang for "getting drunk." But that doesn't help me for "sizzurp."

So then I have to turn again to Google for "sizzurp" and the Urban Dictionary definition comes up and tells me that a "sizzurp" is a drink made up of cough syrup with codeine, a Jolly Rancher, and soda (sooooo not a gin and juice, honey!) which causes a "slow trip."

Wait a minute, that's actually a pretty scary sounding drink that these kids could get into trouble with! (OMG I AM my mom. Wait, no I'm not. I just used 'OMG.')

I'm sure it's no coincidence that I have turned 35 this week and I am hearing songs with lyrics I do not understand.

I would like to think I'm the cool mom (I mean, all us moms got the secret cape thing going on, how cool is that? Right? Please tell me none of you knew the words to this song either.)

But dammit, if I find out my kids are drinking a "sizzurp," they're in big trouble!

I mean, in about 10 years or so. Hopefully more.

By the way, turns out "Three 6" isn't a car. It's a rap group called the "Three 6 Mafia." And they're actually pretty big and famous.

Should I tell my rap-loving, young at heart husband he's 0 for 3?

Nahhhhh.

This can just be our little secret. Mkay?

And Ode to 35: A Birthday Poem.

34 was so much fun

It turned out I like to run!

But I know 35 is better,

Just look at that cool Eddie Vedder! (Who's actually much older and wears white pants now, but still. Older is better and that's the point!)

Thought my 20's were the bomb,

Turning 30 -tried to remain calm.

Then 31,32,33

And two babies, (poop and pee.)

Then came all that baby fat

Didn't know this was part of that!

But it is and I embraced

then kicked it off and raced and raced!

No, I never win a thing

But so much happiness does it bring.

Nothing tops it at the races

Like seeing my two babies' faces!

We have a house and it's a home,

We even have a garden gnome.

A minivan and that makes sense,

We even have a picket fence (it's not white, though.)

Life is so much different now,

If you told me then, I'd have said WOW!

But nope, I wouldn't change a thing.

My life started with that ring.

I've had my share of helmet heads

What was I thinking (was I on meds?)

But life sure wouldn't be complete

Without bad perms (rinse and repeat!).

Life means coffee, laughs and tears,

It just gets better over the years.

Excited for what 35 brings!!

As long as it's not a pair of  Mom Jeans. (I'll have to work on that one.)

Mantra Monday: I'm Doing it Because I WANT to.

Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed.

Like right now.

Yes. Right at this moment.

When the to-do list overfloweth and the calendar gets packed and then on top of it, unexpected things get thrown in and all atthesametime of course, literally, at the same time.

And then I have to stop and take a moment and collect myself and breathe. And write lists. Lots and lots of lists. On my Cat In The Hat and Green Eggs and Ham paper.

And then remind myself that I'm doing most, if not all of these things because I WANT TO.

That doing most of and actually probably all of the things in my life that I'm doing are all because I want to do them.

Not because I have to.

Because I want to.

Because sometimes my overwhelmedness can take over my ability to enjoy every moment that I am living because I am looking ahead to whatever it is that I have to do next or should be doing now and it takes over my ability to live in the present. And every thing that I am doing right now requires me to be in the present. 

Even the not so pleasant stuff. 

Sure, we can ignore that I might have a slight problem overextending and overcommitting myself but who are we kidding, I LOVE being busy, it's the way I love my life and when I'm not busy I'm miserable. My foot taps and I get antsy. But I don't want to do everything half-assed either. And I don't want to look at the things that I love so much as chores. Because they're NOT! It is what I want to do! Remember, Christie? 

It's such a condundrum.

If only I can stop and take time to enjoy all the things I am doing.

Even the not so pleasant stuff.

So I'm going to spend this week just checking things off my list, trying not to be overwhelmed, since you know, it is my birthday week and all (Friday! 35! Whooee, advanced maternal age here I come!) and reminding myself in every way that for whatever it is I am driving to or driving from or running to or going from next to next to next, I am doing it because I want to. So stop stressing out.

And the not so pleasant stuff? Good stuff always comes of it. I will remember that too.

I will also remember that for the time that I am doing what it is I am doing, including writing this post, that whatever it is I am doing is the only thing I should be doing during that time. (Confusing enough?)

In otherwords: I WILL BE PRESENT.

I will not multitask in my head. I will not look ahead to what's next. I will not secretly Blackberry in the bathroom.

I will be present.

I will try not to stress out, I will write lists, I will check them all off because remember, I am doing these things because I want to, and above all, I will be present.

* * *

How about you? What does your week look like? Join me every Monday and share your Mantra for the week! Tackling this this week is also part of my project at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, you can read all about that right here and feel free to join in too!

My Rules for Life: For the Time Capsule. If I had one.

I've become paranoid in my old age.

I'm almost 35, and well, now I have two children and I'm scared of everything.

I didn't used to be. I was the polar opposite of scared, in fact, and borderlining stupid, if we're being perfectly honest with ourselves which we are. It's a wonder I even survived my 20's with all of my stupidity but don't tell my parents that.

I used to work in news which probably made my paranoia fester just a bit (or maybe by one-billion percent) since I was always aware of the terrible things that went on in the world and even though those terrible things were often an anomaly, I knew that they did and do happen and the small statistics never helped me feel better about that (i.e. fear of sharks, lightning, etc).

But every so often something happens and it feels close to home, even if it isn't. Like hearing about a mother of two babies who was training for a 1/2 marathon who died after being hit by a car. Or hearing about the recent death of a former co-worker of mine. We were not close, but I did know of her, a beautiful, beautiful, sweet and kind person who left this world too soon.

I worry about my life sometimes when things like this remind me of how fragile and random life is but most of all I worry about my children. I thought about what I would tell them, what advice I would give them if for some terrible reason, I wouldn't be able to tell them in person. I figured I could have my little spot in this world frozen for them just in case so here it is.

I wanted my advice to be simple. But I wanted it to cover a lot of bases. All the basics, in fact. Life in general, getting along in society, and taking advantage of every wonderful moment you've been given. I hope that I will get to tell them this in person and happily pester them over and over again like the broken record moms tend to sound like, but sometimes life has other plans. So after thinking about it for a really long time, I think I've come up with it.

My Rules for Life

Rule #1:  Be nice.
I can't see how you can ever go wrong with being nice, taking the high road or doing the right thing. At the end of the day, you can be nasty, or you can suck it up and just be nice and it's your choice. Sometimes being nice is much, much harder than being nasty and sometimes it's not the popular thing to do. But in most cases (except in the case of standing up for yourself and what you believe in and even then you don't have to be nasty about it), being nice is the brave thing to do. And I don't mean the type of nice that is "saying mean things in a nice way" or being "nicely manipulative." I mean actual niceness from the depths of your being. Being nice also means doing nice things like being helpful and caring for other people if you are called on to do so and even (or especially) if you aren't. Be nice to girls. Be a gentleman. And try not to be judgemental because that's not nice. And if you were wondering, yes, there is such a thing as being too nice and there are people who might take advantage of that and for that, see rule #2 and rule #4.

Rule #2: Learn everything you can about everything.
This means yes, going to school and lots of it, as much of it as you can, really, but also being your own advocate and doing your own research. Traveling. Finding out about the world and seeing life from other perspectives and not being wrapped up in yourself. Learning everything about everything will allow you to be able to make informed, well thought out decisions (even if they are wrong, they will at the very least be informed and you will be even moreso informed by learning from your mistakes in decision making so even mistakes are a part of learning.) By learning, you will be able to sate that thirst for curiousness that you have right now. By being informed, you'll be able to read the fine print, help yourself and help other people better. You will possess knowledge and thus be able to get a job that pays well or at least pays for your basic necessities in life: food, clothing and shelter. And no one will be able to sell you a bridge. Because you will know better.

Rule #3: Try your very best to remain mugshot-free.
There are a lot of reasons for this one, but mainly I mean this for the big ones, the following: not stealing, hurting other people, drunk driving or any other illegal activities (and a lot of this can fall under rule #1 too). It also means not hanging out with anyone who does any of these things because that will get you thrown into jail too (see rule #4). There are secondary consequences of going to jail, too. It'll make life in general more difficult and you will pay for it in many, many other ways. You will have a hard time getting a job, going to the school you want and honestly, a lot of chicks don't like a guy who's been in jail anyway. It's expensive, it's not a great thing to have on a resume and let's not even discuss what goes on in there (I've heard that it's not just a bunch of dudes getting along swimmingly.) It just gets plain messy. So do try your very best not to have a mugshot. M'kay? Plus when you have a mugshot it ends up on the internet in some database and you really don't want that floating around either. These are usually pictures that are taken at your lowest point with your hair all mussed up and your eyes all baggy and scary-looking. And while we're at it, there are all those other weird technology ways to end up in jail through texting and the internet and whatnot and perhaps by the time you read this there will be special nodes for your head that you'll be able to think about something and make it happen, so if you do have those things, remain within the moral codes of all that too. M'kay? And ps. There are those few times where standing up for what you believe in or doing the right thing could land you in jail too so I guess this would be my only exception to rule #3 but still try your very best to avoid jail if at all possible.

NOTE: For a more broad approach to these simple life rules, there are 10 rules that are readily available via the Bible and as part of rule #2, the research and learning bit, you should read this in its entirety one day but for now we'll talk about the 10 Commandments at the level we are able to and I will discuss them with you while I am here and hope that you will carry those with you for as long as you both shall live.

There wasn't going to be a rule #4 but as I was writing this I realized this was equally important in living a full and happy life and so here it is.

Rule #4: Surround yourself with nice people. I hate to tell you this but sometimes there are mean or negative people out there and you can give them a chance and try to change them or their opinion (because you're trying to follow rule #1) but as much as you want to they likely won't change and you can spend your life trying. You can also spend your life trying to fit in with them, but true friends will accept you no matter what so you won't have to spend your life trying to fit in with true friends and you'll know who they are pretty quickly. It is ok to say goodbye to people who make life difficult for you, stress you out or make you unhappy and if you must be around them for whatever reason, it is ok for you to just take them in small doses. In the end, try to keep yourself surrounded by people who love you, who make you happy, and by people who got your back and will defend you and support you no matter what (and also by people who try to follow the aforementioned rules themselves by playing nice, being well-informed or at least logical, and by not going to jail.)

Well I believe that covers all the basics, the rules of living happily within society, being fed and clothed and just.

As I look at you running around in your underwear and diaper pretending that you're at the beach, I wish I could just tell you life would forever be like it is right now, happy and fun with the most devastating thing in your world being how fast (or slow) mom can get your snack for you.

But you'll grow up and things will get a little more complicated and it will all begin with your first pimple.

I truly believe that if you follow my 4 little principles, you'll be ok. No matter how tough it gets.

And if you don't, that's ok. I will love you anyway.

But I'm not bailing you out of jail.

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What are your rules and what do you want to pass down to your children? Have you ever considered writing a letter or a post or doing a video with it?

Mantra Monday: "Ain't About How Fast I Get There"

Note: Bondi Band giveaway ending soon and it's a special one, please read! (Then come back.)

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OK, back to Mantra Monday. Yes, I'll be 35 in about a week and a half and I'm quoting Miley Cyrus. Well at least it ain't Justin Bieber.

I'll just get right to it.

I cried after my workout on Saturday.

Have you ever cried during a workout? Or after? I've done both.

Sometimes when I cry during a workout, I think it's my chemicals and hormones getting all worked up and out of control (this might happen during spin class when I'm vigorously pedaling away and I can usually stamp the tears away before anyone notices.)

Other times, some song comes on and I get choked up and teary eyed and it's really hard to run and cry at the same time by the way, your chest gets all tight and you feel sort of like you're hyperventhilating. This happened to me around mile 12 of the half-marathon in San Diego but I had to turn my brain off and cut it out already because it physically hurts to cry while running.

And still other times, it happens when I finish something and I look back at what the hell I just did and become overwhelmed. Like after St. Anthony's triathlon, my first Olympic with that crazy whirpool of a swim that they shortened after I got out of the water and then the bike and run afterward. I crossed the finish, sat down in the medic tent and cried the ugly cry.

Saturday it was sort of the last one.

I rode 30 miles by myself which is a really long time to be stuck in your own head. Then I ran 7 1/2 miles afterward which was really a combination of running and walking because it was so freakin hot outside, it was 100 degrees plus 80 % humidity. Or something like that.

I felt like I was going to die.

Even my headphones were sweating and I had to take them off.

And I had run out of water. By the end of about 3 1/2 hours, I had already drank 3 big water bottles worth of water and 8 little 8 oz water bottles worth of water (2 fillups of the 4 water bottles on my water belt.) had one porta-potty break (you're welcome) and a partridge in a pear tree.

In the end, I was disappointed that I hadn't finished the full 8 miles I was supposed to run.

I did 7.5.

But I couldn't move another inch in the heat without water. I just couldn't. To be honest, I was lucky I even finished that. Because I almost threw it in at mile 3.

So I finished up and sat down in my car and blasted the air conditioning and just sat there sweating on my leather seats for a little while before I drove home. I needed to cool down. I felt like curling up in my van and taking a nap. I sat for about 15 minutes in my silence with only the sound of the air on high. I must've taken a while because my husband called me back to check on me.

When I started to cool down, I drove across the street to McDonald's and ordered a water, a chocolate milk and a non-fat iced mocha for hydration, protein, and the caffeine I needed to ward off the migraine that was setting in. I sucked them all down in about 5 minutes flat.

I started to drive home.

I turned the radio on for the first time. And then that darned Miley Cyrus came on. 

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"'

Darn you Miley, how did you know what I was thinking? I have a 1/2 Iron in November and today was pathetic. A pathetic damn showing. I am a wimp and I am whiny and I don't push myself hard enough. I am never going to be able to do double this. NEVER EVER EVER. Never. I would fold my arms right now but I'm driving.

"Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking"

Uh huh.

Would ya stop it now? You're making me cry. Aaaaand.... now I'm crying. Thanks a lot.

"But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high"

You just gotta get all cup-half-full on me, dontcha? Fine. Yes, Miley, you're right. I know you're right. I did some good stuff today. But it didn't feel like it when I was doing it. You see, I want to do things fast. I want to run hard and fast after biking 30 miles. I don't want to schlep through it and barely make it. Ya know, Miley? Ya get me?

"Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"

That's it.

That's exactly it right there. (Now kindly stop singing so I can kindly stop crying thankyouverymuch.)

The universe spoke to me through Miley Cyrus (I know, I know) on Saturday and it told me that for this one, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW FAST I GET THERE. And it asked me to kindly stop pressuring myself about it.

Because you see, there is a starting line. And then, there is a finish line.

And truthfully, it doesn't matter what happens in between. It just matters that I show up. It just matters that I do what I'm doing right now so that when November comes, all I have to do is show up.

It doesn't matter how fast I get to the other side. It just matters that I get to the other side. And that I appreciate the ride. Or in Miley's case, the climb.

It doesn't matter if I'm even talking about the 1/2 Iron in November, really.

I'm sure she wasn't even singing about my 1/2 Iron in November. (Was she? Hmm...)

She was talking about something else entirely, I'm sure. (A tweenage breakup? Saving up for a first car maybe?)

But it sure applies to my almost-35-year-old faithinmyself-shaken, quivering, wimpy-scaredy-cat self who sometimes forgets to look back and see how far she's come to even have gotten to this point right here.

So in hindsight, the long training session was actually successful. If I would just stop looking at how long it took me. Because:

• I did it by myself. And I hate doing long training sessions by myself.
• I figured out that NUUN is awesome for nutrition on rides and that I love the Citrus flavored and hate the Berry flavored.
• I figured out that there is one water station to fill up on the trail and it's depleted by 11 a.m.
• I watched the butterflies follow me on my run, flitting from flower to flower next to me.
• I almost gave up at mile 3 of the run. But I didn't.
• I did it.
• I did not hurt the next day.

So, I'm halfway there.

I have September. I have October and then I have part of November. I have made it to the halfway mark. I'm doing this. This is why it's called "training."

And it's not supposed to be easy.

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What's your Mantra this week? Share it in the comments below or post about it and leave the link in the comments! Hope you have a wonderful Labor Day!

Things I'd Rather Do Than Put Laundry Away

As I trapsed happily past my bed on the way to the bathroom the other day to change out of my stinky post-10 mile run attire, I paused for a moment to take a fleeting glance at the mound of clean laundry piled upon my bed. Darned buzzkill.

And it brought to mind the millions of other more difficult and unappealing tasks that I would so much rather do than tackle this particular mundane task bane of my existence.

I've mentioned a time or two my intense loathing for putting laundry away, haven't I? No? Well last year, I got these gorgeous ruby red front loaders and I love filling them up.

LOVE to fill them up.

There is a little song that plays when I press the power button that chimes again when the load is coming to a full and complete stop. It's charming and magnificent. It makes laundry almost wonderful! I feel like Snow White with the birds coming in through the windows and the deer helping me wash the floors.

It's the aftermath I can't stand. 

So as I stood there staring into the huge heap, I thought about quite a few things I'd rather do than dive right into it and these immediately came to mind. I didn't even really have to think about it.

1. Tackle the nuclear crisis in Iran.
2. Assist in the issue of global warming, or lack thereof, whichever it really is and who really knows.
3. Watch paint dry.
4. Watch a documentary on Math.
5. Remodel my bathroom.
6. Mop the floor. Any floor. Anywhere.
7. Engage in the unsuccessful attempts at getting my children to sit down at the table for any meal.
8. Clean out my car and wash the 17 water bottles and old sippy cups extracted from it.
9. Google and research the "Matriculation of" anything.
10. Spend an afternoon organizing stamps.
11. Learn Morse Code.

I got to about 11 but you really get the point, right? And yes, I understand the irony of the fact that I took the time to write this post while the laundry sat there on the bed and it could be gone right now had I just done it and not written this post.

But that's not the point.
So what are your "favorites" on the to-do list aka what's sitting there waiting for you as you read this post?

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ps. I got a giveaway going on right now.