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Monday, September 06, 2010

Mantra Monday: "Ain't About How Fast I Get There"

Note: Bondi Band giveaway ending soon and it's a special one, please read! (Then come back.)
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OK, back to Mantra Monday. Mantra MondayYes, I'll be 35 in about a week and a half and I'm quoting Miley Cyrus. Well at least it ain't Justin Bieber.

I'll just get right to it.

I cried after my workout on Saturday.

Have you ever cried during a workout? Or after? I've done both.

Sometimes when I cry during a workout, I think it's my chemicals and hormones getting all worked up and out of control (this might happen during spin class when I'm vigorously pedaling away and I can usually stamp the tears away before anyone notices.)

Other times, some song comes on and I get choked up and teary eyed and it's really hard to run and cry at the same time by the way, your chest gets all tight and you feel sort of like you're hyperventhilating. This happened to me around mile 12 of the half-marathon in San Diego but I had to turn my brain off and cut it out already because it physically hurts to cry while running.

And still other times, it happens when I finish something and I look back at what the hell I just did and become overwhelmed. Like after St. Anthony's triathlon, my first Olympic with that crazy whirpool of a swim that they shortened after I got out of the water and then the bike and run afterward. I crossed the finish, sat down in the medic tent and cried the ugly cry.

Saturday it was sort of the last one.

I rode 30 miles by myself which is a really long time to be stuck in your own head. Then I ran 7 1/2 miles afterward which was really a combination of running and walking because it was so freakin hot outside, it was 100 degrees plus 80 % humidity. Or something like that.

I felt like I was going to die.

Even my headphones were sweating and I had to take them off.

And I had run out of water. By the end of about 3 1/2 hours, I had already drank 3 big water bottles worth of water and 8 little 8 oz water bottles worth of water (2 fillups of the 4 water bottles on my water belt.) had one porta-potty break (you're welcome) and a partridge in a pear tree.

In the end, I was disappointed that I hadn't finished the full 8 miles I was supposed to run.

I did 7.5.

But I couldn't move another inch in the heat without water. I just couldn't. To be honest, I was lucky I even finished that. Because I almost threw it in at mile 3.

So I finished up and sat down in my car and blasted the air conditioning and just sat there sweating on my leather seats for a little while before I drove home. I needed to cool down. I felt like curling up in my van and taking a nap. I sat for about 15 minutes in my silence with only the sound of the air on high. I must've taken a while because my husband called me back to check on me.

When I started to cool down, I drove across the street to McDonald's and ordered a water, a chocolate milk and a non-fat iced mocha for hydration, protein, and the caffeine I needed to ward off the migraine that was setting in. I sucked them all down in about 5 minutes flat.

I started to drive home.

I turned the radio on for the first time. And then that darned Miley Cyrus came on. 

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"'
Darn you Miley, how did you know what I was thinking? I have a 1/2 Iron in November and today was pathetic. A pathetic damn showing. I am a wimp and I am whiny and I don't push myself hard enough. I am never going to be able to do double this. NEVER EVER EVER. Never. I would fold my arms right now but I'm driving.

"Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking"
Uh huh.

Would ya stop it now? You're making me cry. Aaaaand.... now I'm crying. Thanks a lot.

"But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high"
You just gotta get all cup-half-full on me, dontcha? Fine. Yes, Miley, you're right. I know you're right. I did some good stuff today. But it didn't feel like it when I was doing it. You see, I want to do things fast. I want to run hard and fast after biking 30 miles. I don't want to schlep through it and barely make it. Ya know, Miley? Ya get me?

"Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"
That's it.

That's exactly it right there. (Now kindly stop singing so I can kindly stop crying thankyouverymuch.)

The universe spoke to me through Miley Cyrus (I know, I know) on Saturday and it told me that for this one, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW FAST I GET THERE. And it asked me to kindly stop pressuring myself about it.

Because you see, there is a starting line. And then, there is a finish line.

And truthfully, it doesn't matter what happens in between. It just matters that I show up. It just matters that I do what I'm doing right now so that when November comes, all I have to do is show up.

It doesn't matter how fast I get to the other side. It just matters that I get to the other side. And that I appreciate the ride. Or in Miley's case, the climb.

It doesn't matter if I'm even talking about the 1/2 Iron in November, really.

I'm sure she wasn't even singing about my 1/2 Iron in November. (Was she? Hmm...)

She was talking about something else entirely, I'm sure. (A tweenage breakup? Saving up for a first car maybe?)

But it sure applies to my almost-35-year-old faithinmyself-shaken, quivering, wimpy-scaredy-cat self who sometimes forgets to look back and see how far she's come to even have gotten to this point right here.

So in hindsight, the long training session was actually successful. If I would just stop looking at how long it took me. Because:

  • I did it by myself. And I hate doing long training sessions by myself.
  • I figured out that NUUN is awesome for nutrition on rides and that I love the Citrus flavored and hate the Berry flavored.
  • I figured out that there is one water station to fill up on the trail and it's depleted by 11 a.m.
  • I watched the butterflies follow me on my run, flitting from flower to flower next to me.
  • I almost gave up at mile 3 of the run. But I didn't.
  • I did it.
  • I did not hurt the next day.
So, I'm halfway there.

I have September. I have October and then I have part of November. I have made it to the halfway mark. I'm doing this. This is why it's called "training."

And it's not supposed to be easy.
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What's your Mantra this week? Share it in the comments below or post about it and leave the link in the comments! Hope you have a wonderful Labor Day!

8 comments:

Hope said...

You deserve a big fat standing ovation for training in the heat and not quitting at mile 3. Great job!!!

My motto this week is "Consider it done!" which works perfectly with your 1/2 Iron. Consider it done!

Saretta said...

You are so tough! I'm really glad you were able to get through the negative and find all the pluses! My motto this week will have to be "Yes I Can!" because I have absolutely WAY too much to do! :-)

Brooke said...

my mantra (as turned in last night for another challenge) was "a healthy body helps me to enjoy the beauty of God's creation.

so watch those butterflies. and know that you are more beautiful than they, more loved, and certainly more capable!!

Kirsten said...

I have a love/hate relationship with that song. And you rawk, even if you don't feel like it sometimes. Because I'm not sure I'd be out there in that heat doing 1/8 of what you accomplished. So, so proud of you girl!

Roo said...

I'm very, very proud of you. Even if a Miley Cyrus song was your enlightening moment. ;) *kidding* I actually love that song. :)

imadramamama said...

Oh my goodness, yes, Yes, YES!!!

My feeling is that if it takes me 4 days to finish a triathlon, it's 4 days that I wasn't sitting at home on my backside.

Like I said before, if you cross the start line, I have no doubt that you will cross the finish line, too, no matter how long it takes.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

Oh I love this post and so glad that Miley helped you to see all that you accomplished.

Pubsgal said...

Isn't that crazy? I was driving the kids to school and that song came on, and I got all teary, too. It's one of those songs that's about anything you want it to be, and it sure does fit with athletic training.

Yes, I've almost cried during (and definitely after) a workout. It was just after our dog died, and it was a gym class, and I felt so weak, like I'd just keep doing all this crap and never getting stronger. (I think it was when I was working to correct my squat form. Dang, that hurt.)

You're doing all this amazing, incredibly difficult stuff. Of course it isn't going to be easy.

Oh, and my newly-found mantra is a question: "Is this what my better self wants?" It's sort of along the lines of the intuitive eating question of asking what your body wants, but a little broader.

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