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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Bathing Suit Shopping & Being One with Your Dimples, er, Stories.

Sometimes I wish bathing suit shopping consisted only of trying on tops.

Because bottoms SUCK.

Next week we go on our beach vacation and my current bathing suit is in the last stages of disintegration. The top is so loose that things are in danger of breaking free and that's worst case scenario in my book, except of course other than the bottoms breaking free, and we are at critical mass with both to be perfectly honest. If something's not done soon, there will be danger.

Also my husband so nicely pointed out that my black "tankini" is a "momsuit." (Isn't he nice.) This is what he calls black bathing suits in general. He says he can tell who all the moms are because they gather in gaggles of black bathing suits.

I want to tell him to shut up.

In fact I did tell him to shut up but of course he is right.

Me and all my friends have black bathing suits.

What is so wrong with black bathing suits anyway? They are flattering! And I don't see what the problem is having a black bathing suit if it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and comfortable wearing a flimsy piece of fabric that puts my entire backside on display for society.

Anyways, last night I had to go bathing suit shopping and decided that no matter what I would actually get a new bathing suit and this time it won't be black like they have been for the past 6 years. But what does a person do instead of black? Patterns? Solids? Which solids?

I hate bathing suit shopping!

Bathing suit shopping means I have to also get in some sort of zen-like natural happy mode where I have to sort of psych myself up to be one with my beautiful lovely lady lumps. Because they take center stage in flourescence, ya know?

I want to be one with all my dimples and imperfections and generally I am (when I have pants on) but bathing suit shopping makes it especially difficult.

I don't even mind so much being out in public with my bathing suit because no one else seems to care about what they look like in a bathing suit and watching people being one with their curves is something I HEART SO MUCH! I'm trying to get there.

But being in the cubicle in flourescent lighting with your bathing suit on seems especially cruel, even if it is only you who is looking.

I always think to myself, "This summer I'm not going to hate bathing suit shopping!"

But it never happens. I always hate bathing suit shopping.

My top I can get behind. There is nothing to report up there.

But my bottom.

Well, I've decided my bottom has stories.

My legs are strong, I have great quads. They were great when I was a catcher in softball. They also rode me 40 miles on my bike last weekend and they can take me a really long ways for a really long time, dimples or not.

My legs pretty much rock.

My dimples however, don't rock. They are not pretty to look at and they make me hate bathing suit shopping. But if we're being honest here which we are, they have stories too, right? Like: oh that one I got from the Twix incident.

Or this dimple is 5 years old and it's named Aidan and this dimple is 3 years old and it's named Ryan.

And perhaps, this one right here is called "being in my mid-30's"...

Also, maybe, this one right here is called "need to lunge more" and  this one I'll give an Indian name,"Lack of Squats."

But so what, right?

I guess that as long as I can tell a story with each part, it doesn't matter if they're showing or not because there I am showing off my stories!

So I got a coral-colored tankini and it's great on top and I've got stories on the bottom.

That's one way to think about it anyway.

I gotta do what I gotta do.

What stories do your parts tell? And how was bathing suit shopping for you this year?

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