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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Top 10 Ways to Dispose of Halloween Candy

I don't know about you but it's not even Halloween yet and I've already had my fill!

It's because I threw a Halloween party for tiny people. And I made lots of treats. Like Mummy Hotdogs and Ghost cookies and Hand Punch. And there were leftovers.

I haven't even gotten to the candy part of Halloween yet! I'm scerred.

Last year, I wrote my top 10 ways to dispose of Halloween candy and this year I'll follow up with 10 more and make it a "thing" because I like tradition. So here we go:

MY TOP 10 WAYS TO DISPOSE OF HALLOWEEN CANDY

10. Strap a bag of it around my waist before an open water swim then untie it when I get out there and then let it sleep with the fishes. Hopefully this does not attract any larger fishies while I'm wearing it. The goal is not to look like bait.

9. Pack it into a checked luggage bag and "forget" it at baggage claim. But only if the checked baggage is free. And only if you don't like said checked luggage. Maybe check a garbage bag. But if it's not free, then forget it. Try the next means of disposal.

8. Open the front window, line all the candy up along the ledge, and fire each piece out at little green army men sitting outside. My kids would like this and I would be the cool mom, especially because I am so anti-shooting anything and they know this. But I mightcould make an exception this time.

7. Pile it up in front of the television, make it all watch a Little House on the Prairie marathon on the Hallmark Channel, then fire it off in a potato shooter into the back field which is owned by someone who allows their poison ivy to grow on my fences and hence, deserves all our candy.

6. Box it up and send it to my sister, whom I love very much but I'm sorry. She needs her some candy.

5. Make a candy suit out of it, sort of like Lady Gaga's meat suit only without meat. It'd be a vegetarian meat suit, really. I don't know what sort of statement it would make but it would be something.

4. Send it all to candy rehab so it at least has a chance at becoming a healthier candy and if it doesn't then really you have to wait until it's ready to change on its own because nothing can change unless it's truly ready. Ya know?

3. Experiment with it as if it's a Peep. See how long it takes for them to explode in the microwave. If you don't want the mess, use your work microwave and run. So now you get to not eat candy and you get to burn calories by running, too. See? Win win.

2. It's almost science fair project time. Make a volcano or try to figure out how use it as energy to turn some sort of turbine and win that blue ribbon!

1. SEND IT INTO MY HUSBAND'S OFFICE! To the men who have a better metabolism than I do.

So what are your creative ways of disposal? Please say you have them because if it has power over you (like it does me), go grab a last mini-Baby Ruth and send it packing November 1st!

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