Back to our regularly scheduled programming i.e. St. Anthony's Triathlon RACE REPORT

I knew I felt like I was forgetting something when I left the house.

I knew my uniform felt super breezy and light.

I was even thinking about how comfortable it was and thinking back to when we were trying to choose our uniform, how we all liked the "breezy" one and I was feeling thankful that we picked such a comfy outfit. On this particular morning, it was luxurious! I remember even thinking that!

Well no wonder it was so comfy and breezy -- I realized when I got to the race that I forgot to wear my sports bra underneath it!

I was flapping in the breeze!

(You already know my race reports are full of TMI so I'm not worried about it if you're not. I'm just saying.)

Anyway. People forget things. People forget important things. People forget to wear a sportsbra sometimes.

Oh.

They don't?

You mean that's not one of the items that people carry two of?

Shortly after that little nugget of realization I was pumping up my back tire with the president of our tri group who was volunteering at the race, and as I pulled the pump off my tire, the whole valve busted off. That was just awesome on top of awesome! I'm on a roll here!

Well then we took my tire over to the onsite bike shop tent and quick fixed it and put it back on (thanks Tony!) Which was one "situation" down.

One to go.

I thought about throwing a shirt on for the run and free willying it for the swim and the bike, but then my friend lent me a regular strapless bra (thanks Eve!) so I could cover up and not be obscene for the race. Yes it was weird wearing a strapless bra under my tri suit. Whatever.

So there you go.

Oh yes, also I forgot to close my bike bag which houses my spare tube and all those parts, and with 2 minutes left until transition closed, I sprinted back to my bike, stuffed everything in, closed the bag, but the zipper track reopened because the bag is crap and it wouldn't zip shut. So anyway. Just like last time with the bike computer, this time I had a tire, bike bag and bra blowout. I mean, why not?

Plenty for the race report!

OK I guess I'll start the actual race now. (Yes! You might remember there was a question about whether we'd to the race at all -- but guess what?! No one else got sick! Hooray!)

So. As soon as we arrived at the bright and bushytailed hour of 5 a.m., we found out the swim was shortened because it was so windy and wavy. You might remember the race report from last year (maybe not) but it was windy last year too, only they kept the long version of the swim for me and shortened it for racers after me and it was a freakin rough swim! This time however, they shortened it to 1,000 m from about 1,500m and moved its location entirely.

It was super-cool being able to watch the pros like Andy Potts come out of the water as we were walking toward the starting line, I'll say that much!

Then it was reality time for us average age-groupers and the music was playing real loud and I was dancing in our corral to "Summertime" by Will Smith ("Summa summa summa-TIME!")

And I got my groove on because before the horn blows is so nerve wracking! It's the worst part of the whole day! I can't STAND THE ANTICIPATION!

But then the horn blew and I was off before I knew it and I felt good and strong! Any time I have a swim where fear and stopping is absent, the swim is a success! I'll work on speed later, but as long as there is no fear and panic, I'm good!

But because they moved the swim, there was a considerable run to transition, which felt like it took forever. Up the beach, down a really long sidewalk forever and ever, around transition and finally through transition to my bike.

I got through transition (totally forgot my sunglasses - more awesome!) hopped on my bike and took off.

The bike was super windy. Super super windy. I still did pretty good, maybe a minute off from last year's time and last year's bike was not nearly as windy.

I was doing pretty good on time in general thus far and was hoping to have a pretty good run, in fact my runs have been so good lately, I have been hitting the 9 minute mark and even some 8:45's!!! I mean I've been seriously having breakthroughs in my pacing!

Here, though, at worst I was hoping to hit the mile marks at the 10 minute mark especially with how hard I worked on the bike through the wind, but I was really hoping for somewhere in the 9's, I was feeling that good. And it started out that way, too, I was hitting 9:15 for the first two miles (I had two watches on, one that was running the whole time and I threw my gps watch on for the run part so I could monitor the runtime.)

But around mile 2 is where the run sort of unraveled.

I haven't written about this yet but last week I had a CT scan on a lumpy thing in my stomach that we think is a hernia. (So no worries! Just a hernia! Hopefully! Fingers crossed, anyway!)

But this thing is seriously cramping my style!

It hurts when I run, it hurts when I eat, it has really just started to feel really bad and wrong over the last week and a half so I had gone to the doctor who ordered me a CT scan of it and I find out more about what it is tomorrow when I get the results back.

But anyway, it really started to bother me during the run. My whole midsection was yucked up, I had to undo my borrowed bra and run with it unstrapped because the wire was pushing down on my stomach and the ball-lump-thingy in my stomach was bulgy, I was nauseous, it was painful and I had to slow down and walk for a bit.

And ya know those voices I usually get when I push myself? Or the songs I sing in my head to light my fire inside?

Gone. All of them gone.

It was really weird.
It was like they checked out or something.

I don't understand why no matter how hard I fought to bring in the voices or to move my body to a song in my head, it was like the record would skip or I was knocking and no one was home. Usually they just invade my head, I don't even have to ask, but in this case I was digging and digging and coming up with nothin.

My body wasn't working right and there were no voices to tell me to push it. That was all sort of just weird.

I started to get emotional and feel defeated in the last mile of the run and then a giant monarch butterfly floated right in front of me and I know that was my grandmother telling me it was ok, something's just not right and the finish is around the corner and to just be at peace.

So I did the best I could and run-walked through the run toward the end and was just sort of numb at the finish.

And I walked around and waited for my husband to cross the finish and I couldn't really breathe, so I had to get into transition with a sheriff's deputy to get my emergency inhaler and my stomach was in so much pain.

But ya know what? I am not sad. Something weird is going on, but either way, I finished.

One day I'll have a race where it'll be not just about "finishing."

I am still waiting for that day.

But for now, I have lots of new stuff to add to the triathlon list. Like "sportsbra," because apparently now I have terrible mombrain and can't even remember the basics. Along with "extra computer batteries," and "get a new bike bag with working zipper stat."

The biggest thing I have to remember though is to not take myself so damn seriously. I mean, right? Why should I beat myself up?

When we were kids we swam, biked and ran all over the damn place and now here is a place where us adults get to do the same thing! This is supposed to be fun!

Also, I think that races are all about moving forward. As long as I'm moving forward and not backward, I am doing it right. OK well maybe that's a little extreme and non-goal oriented-sounding, but my point is that I'm not going to be hard on myself about it. In my head, I've got to get back to where this was just fun and exhilerating.

So I'm just going to get out there, keep training and racing and let the stories like me as the triathlete bra-less wonder unravel themselves for a good meaty, scandalous race report afterward.

The end.