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Friday, May 06, 2011

Nose Holes

Most kids have some defining feature about them, either on their face or body or somewhere else. Something distinctive. Curly hair, big eyes, maybe a space in their teeth, their shortness, their tallness, whatever.

For my youngest son, who's three, it's his nose holes.

Most people call them "nostrils," but for some reason, his are not nostril-like in any way. I don't know what it is.

They are literally nose holes.

I cannot keep my eyes off them.

I just yelled at him for spitting while sitting at the table at lunch and had to look away because I couldn't help but stare into his nose holes.

It is the only thing I see when I look at him.

They are ridiculously cute nose holes and they are also very very funny. When I look at them they seem to tell a joke to me in their own tiny individual ways and I die inside of laughter. They are standup comic nose holes.

I don't know why and I don't even know how to describe it.

It is a tiny nose. With two nose holes.

They transfix me as if they were deep blue electric eyes.

Only they aren't.

They are nose holes.

Obviously the only time they are hideous is when there is something in them. And something in a nose hole to me is far worse than anything sprouting from any other orifice, for some reason, even if it cometh out of a particularly cute nose hole. I cannot stand anything actually in, around, or from a nose hole.


Sometimes I'll look over at him while he's eating and I'll catch sight of the nosehole and I'll have that warm fuzzy "die of cuteness" feeling wash over me. It makes me forget what I was thinking about and completely lose my train of thought.

Or sometimes I'll be yelling at him, but then I'll catch sight of the nose holes and I'll die inside of laughter and it completely ruins the yelling moment for me. If I'm not careful I will laugh on the outside and that is disastrous when I'm trying to make a very serious and important point.

The nose holes are funny. They have a ridiculous hold over me.

Perhaps the nose holes are a survival mechanism, an animal-like feature given to him as a natural defense, I mean no one can do anything to a person with entirely too cute nose holes. They are like a lure or a pheromone, once you catch sight of it, your own defenses are useless against them.


Even now he's talking to me and I can't even look at him. I don't even know what he's saying! His mouth is moving but all I can do is stare at the nose holes!

The nose holes are killing me!

I mean, you know how when someone's zipper is open and they're talking to you and you don't even hear what they are saying because all you are is focused on the fact that their zipper is open and you can't concentrate on anything else?

This is the nose holes. Only way less mortifying.

I can try and take a picture of the nose holes but there is no question that you'll have no idea what I'm talking about when you see it. It might be something only a mom can see.

In fact, I don't know why I'm even writing about them (who writes about nose holes?) except for the fact that he was just talking to me and I have no idea what he was saying because the nose holes were staring at me and reducing me to laughter once again.

So I think perhaps the nose holes used the force to subliminally message me to write about them, because in response to him, all I could do was nod, give him some cookies and open up the computer to secretly give the nose holes the last word.

So there you go. That's my story about the nose holes.

Do you have anyone in your life who has a defining feature that makes your defenses useless??

Or is this just me?

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