isupportredfridays_edited-1 Join me by wearing red on red shirt Friday! Pray for my brother-in-law's safe return as well as the rest of our troops!

Monday, April 04, 2011

Mantra Monday: Believe

Mantra MondayDo you ever have a post in your head, words to write, but you can't get them out? They're swirling around in there in no certain order?

I'm hoping I can make a post out of this.

We'll see when I get to the end.
Look at our awesome tri group up there, those are the Tri Warriors.

They push me to train hard. They push me to keep up. They push me to believe.

In the last chapter of my latest freakout on myself (There is no Spoon), I had gotten to the point where I was tired of saying "I can't" and making excuses for myself. I was tired of holding myself back. I was tired of not believing in myself.

So, during the week I put my Mantra to work. "There is no spoon."

Whenever my mind would wander to "I can't do that..." or some other variation of such sentence, I'd finish it with, "Well why the hell not?" Those boundaries I had in my mind (certain predetermined miles per hour for running or biking or times or lengths for swimming which were "safe boundaries" for me), I erased them. I wiped the slate clean.

Yes, over the past couple years I've certainly come far and certainly pushed my boundaries (going from couch to whatever..) and I see that. I'm thrilled to be doing what I'm doing and breaking through the previous limitations I had set for myself.

But no matter how far I get, I notice that I never fail to make an endless list of excuses for myself. For why I don't think I'm good enough or for why I can't keep up. Back when I was told I was crazy for setting my sights on a triathlon, I did it anyway. But now that I'm doing them I want to do them well and no one is telling me that I can't do them well. EXCEPT FOR ME. Plenty of people can say something to you about what you're able to do and make limitations for you but YOU are the only real person who has control over whether or not you listen and whether or not you follow it and it's YOUR VOICE that speaks the loudest.

And what is that voice saying?

"I'm not built for running... short legs... my torso isn't big enough, something to do with the breathing and lung capacity, not a swimmer, I can't do that blah blah blah blah blah."

Honestly, the chatter in my head is exhausting and really quite ridiculous, really.

Last week I told myself to just shut my hole already.

I can't take it anymore my head hurts I'm sick of hearing the excuses I'm sick of talking bad about myself I'm sick of talking bad about myself to others I don't deserve that no one deserves that the chatter is too loud and frankly it's just exhausting to hear it over and over again!

So after the "There's no Spoon" post, I settled on one word.


Amazing things happen when you believe.

Amazing things happen when you believe there are no boundaries.

So here are some things that I couldn't believe but after a week of no boundaries, I do. And you can picture a "sassy" me doing my best Martin Lawrence impression at the end of the sentence when saying, "Buh-LEE DAT!" (or "believe that!" in 'non sass') And maybe some snaps in a Z formation too..

I can't believe I was going 23 miles an hour, for a while, and I wasn't going downhill! Buh-LEE DAT! (snaps here.)

I can't believe I swam, stopping only while my goggles filled up with water, in water over my head, for a while, without freaking out about the fishes or breathing or anything! Buh-LEEEEEEE DAT!

Also I can't believe I did it confidently strong and somewhat fast! Buh-LEEEE DAT!

I can't believe I can feel stronger when running from my core and that all those minutes (hours?) of plank and pushups are paying off! Well Buh-LEEE DAT!

I can't believe that fear is dissolving and excitement and adrenaline is replacing it! That the child-like fearlessness is renewing itself! Buh-LEEEEEE DAT!

I can't believe that I'm starting to see lines where abs should be! Buh-LEEE DAT!

Honestly, it's scary to believe that you can do anything. Anything is a much larger vastness than a safe predetermined boundary.

When you look off into the distance toward anything, it's daunting! What will you come up against, what's out there trying to thwart you, and then, what happens after anything? More of anything?

Everything takes practice, perhaps believing in yourself takes practice too.

I also think it takes getting mad at yourself first. And me and myself had it out last week.

I'm glad we did, too, or I'd still be shuffling along wasting time and making excuses.

At the very least, anything you do should begin with believing in yourself.

I think I'm up for it now.

* * *
What's your mantra this week? Join me on Mondays when I try to start the week off right (or make sense of the complicated!)

Leave your mantra in the comments or post about it and leave the link in the comments below!

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My Favorite Quotes

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

I tri because one day I didn't believe in myself. And then one day I did.

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist." - Jack London

Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.

"Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History."- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Live life PASSIONATELY, laugh OUT LOUD, love UNCONDITIONALLY. - from my spoon rest.

"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." - Ferdinand Foch