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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Intervention on Myself.

The thing about gaining weight at the beginning is that no one is really there to intervene for you.

It's not because people are talking behind your back or anything, it's just that with the first few pounds, it's not as noticeable to other people as it is to you when you do things like try to pull your pants up or sit on the twa-lette, when you notice an extra fluffy ridge brewing and these simple tasks take a few extra seconds to perform.

You discard the fluff because you think, "Well it's not that bad yet," and "A couple extra hours in the gym and a week or two and those'll be off."

But these are the times when you really need the intervention because before you know it, it has spiraled out of control and that's when it's noticeable and instead of having a little work to do because let's face it, you put THAT off and let a few more days weeks pass before heading back into the gym and training plan? What training plan?!

And now you have lots of work ahead of you to undo. Lots and lots! Instead of only a little.

If only you'd just have had that intervention at the beginning.

But we've already established that you can't count on other people to intervene and honestly we wouldn't really want them to because when they do we go home and cry and feel terrible about ourselves and then get defiant about how people shouldn't say things about us like that (we're really a very sensitive people) and then continue on our merry way toward fluff because we will drown ourselves in cake and ice cream because, you know, "since we're fat anyway." Which we probably aren't but along with "sensitive," we're also "dramatic."

I say all of this because I am currently at the early intervention phase.

And I've got no one to intervene on me but myself.

I need to gather all my selves up into one room and lure myself in so we can confront me in a nice, loving manner to GET AHOLD OF MYSELF ALREADY!

Yes, in the past, I have stared down the barrel of every intervention phase possible. The starting one when things aren't so bad, the middle one where things are getting pretty bad and when the second chin has appeared, and the late interventon phase where my stomach almost touched the steering wheel and there were numbers I had never ever seen before on the scale.

I am currently terrified that I am on the late intervention path again. Things are serious.

Consider the evidence:
  • Fast food. Lots and lots of fast food.
  • Forgetting to eat because of being busy, sad, busy, busy, or busy, and then heading to more fast food because it's well, fast and in my mind, better than nothing. (And it would be better than nothing if I chose the "grilled" form of anything but did I? No. I didn't.)
  • 1,2,3,4,5, no, SIX birthday parties (3 for my youngest between family and school and 3 for other family members,) 3 holiday parties, and 2 impending cookie exchanges.
  • 2 very large food-centered holidays. The actual DAYS. Not the days surrounding them which are in fact, also very obviously food-centered, even if there were no birthdays involved. No, I do not blame the holidays or society here, I blame my own poor choices. And I don't even want to say "blame myself" here, because I don't want to make myself into a bad "person" for making bad choices, that will just make me feel like eating some more. I am a GOOD person who is making poor choices. (If you are in this boat, feel free to repeat after me: "I am a GOOD person who is making poor choices.")
  • Lack of water drinking and a multitude of other flavored beverages for example, coffee, Starbucks, wine, giant strawberry margaritas (because they're Christmas-y) the size of your face and oh, how wonderful they're on two-for-one! And beer. Red beer (Also Christmas-y) and wheat beer. Not the 65 calorie kind.
  • Take-out.
  • Sugar-nuts, candy canes, candy candy candy.
  • All day bake-a-thons which require bake-tasting.
  • Inability to wake up at 4 a.m. because obviously the only time I can possibly make it to the gym is at 5 a.m. Right now it's 5 a.m. or bust.
Is this your life right now? Or is it just mine?

I could be in this by myself. But I don't really think I am.

I'm overwhelmed.

Yes I KNOW about choices and self-control and preparation and writing it all down and planning out my workouts and meals and all of that because all of that is ME. When I'm on the wagon, that is all I am about. I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

That is what got me through last holiday season where I kept everything in check, continued my training, continued eating well and could confidently head to the buffet for one night (or two) of indulgence because I balanced and moderated them with ease.

But there are just some times where once you've fallen off that wagon, and I mean completely fallen off (and you know you're there when you're ordering the medium value meal of a quarter pounder with cheese and full-on coke at 10 o'clock at night) when there is always "ok, seriously, starting tomorrow." And then it's,"ok, no really, I'm starting MONDAY." And then it's "ok, I surrender, AFTER THE HOLIDAYS I will get back to it."

But trust me, after the holidays is too late!

By then you're among the masses of guilt-laden gymgoers heading in swarms to the gym hoping that their motivation will not wane by February which let's face it , it inevitably does.

Why should we do this to ourselves?

We (and by "we" I mean "me") don't feel good about ourselves during all of this. It's not like I'm thankful afterward that I tried the pizza and the cookies. It's not even like I enjoy that "I stuffed my gourd" feeling that needs an elastic waistband. I am a grumpy old hag when I miss workouts and even though sometimes that has just not been avoidable, I could very well have offset it by not stuffing myself into oblivion.

I am not only making myself feel yucky, I'm taking the fun out of the Christmas delectibles my making them my own 24-7 cookie-eating-face-stuffing JOB.

INTERVENTION!

I'm calling an intervention!

On myself.

If you wish to call an intervention on yourself, go ahead. I'm giving you license to do so right here without the feelings of sadness because someone has said you need one. Right here, only you know if you need one and if you don't HURRAH! CHEER ME ON PLEASE, I NEED YOUR SUPPORT!

But if you do, please, by all means, call all of yourselves into a room and surprise yourself as if it were a little surprise party for yourself until one of your selves uses the quiet tone and you realize that all the "yous" have gathered to have a full on intervention to say, "this is enough."

Intervention.

I do not start tomorrow (although I do have a 5 a.m. personal training session tomorrow because I told you, it's 5 a.m. or bust right now.)

I start today.

Right now.

I have to go meal by meal because it is all a conscious decision and next up is lunch. Right now I will just focus on making it through lunch.

I am on day 7 of no FAST FOOD and right now that is the only item that is on mandatory recall because I don't do well on full deprivation.

That is all I know right now but right now that is enough of a plan. Step by step. You don't need all of that crap. You just need some of it. And not every day. Just some of them.

OK, "me's?" No go on. Step one: fill up your water bottle. Step two: make it through lunch. And go on from there.

Please CHOOSE TODAY.

You can do it.

8 comments:

Skinny Sushi said...

Good for you for getting ahead of it before things get totally out of control. I had a similar moment about a week ago where I realized I'd totally let go of all my healthy habits, and I could feel my pants getting tighter. Since I'd thrown out all of the big ones, I had no choice but to try a little harder! I got back to Weight Watchers, slowly incorporated more workouts, and finally saw the scale moving in the right direction again!

Charlotte said...

*puts hand up* I'm with you sister. Intervention starting here too since you've motivated me. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, it's as if my subconscious just wrote that! Totally feeling the same way today, OVERWHELMED. I just decided that I hate December. The whole month. 2 birthdays and all the stress that come with Christmas related duties. Ugh.

Roo said...

This is EXACTLY where I was a few weeks ago. ((HUGS)) You'll get past this. I know you will. One foot in front of the other. Deep breaths. Focus. You are worth it.

Gabriela said...

I need an intervention too! Too much fast food lately or just not eating - you know the drill, I got busy so I forgot to eat. Then I'm starving so I want to eat EVERYTHING in the largest portion available. I don't have a gym membership and I've still got to take it easy with the walking because of my foot having been in the boot cast. I DO need to do SOMETHING, no excuses!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Good for you. I do the same, you know, on a weekly basis. however, I meet with my dietician this week, so she'll kick my bum.

imadramamama said...

I am a GOOD person who is making poor choices!!

Oh my gosh, my "bigger" jeans were tight today. And you wanna know why? SALT! From all the stinkin' fast food I've been eating because I'm too damn busy to do anything else!

I'm right there with you, 1/2 empty water bottle by my side.

We'll get through this and come out the other side stronger.

Brooke said...

once again you read my mind. went from 123# in May to 136 last week. one of my blog readers who's also a marathoner said this was a symptom. lots of people gain weight during training.

the logic is that you are tired from all the exercise. your body NEEDS a lot of calories. only you'rtoo tired to prepare something that has the calorie and nutrient count you need.

I don't know that I can do fast food cold turkey...but i'm working on getting bette.r

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