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Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Dirty Little Secret

I just want you to know that I know about you.

And your dirty little secret.

All of you.

tsk tsk.

I recently had a discussion with a momfriend of mine with whom I am known to exercise with (you know who you are) and we discussed a little secret that moms and dads have and it's something that's going on in kitchens and homes all across America.

Well today I'm coming out of the closet and I'm outing all of you too!

Sometimes, I will be standing in the living room cleaning up for the night and I'll hear something suspicious behind the door in the laundry room.


And I'll know what's going on.

That sound means only one thing: there is a husband standing behind that door and he is frantically unwrapping a candy in the darkness of the laundry room right next to the trash can so he can immediately discard the evidence should a little tiny 2 year old or 4 year old catch him in there shoveling candy into his face.

He's closet candy-eating.

I'm afraid he's not the only one.

Just yesterday I snuck a Rice Krispies treat behind the open refrigerator door and when someone 4 or under came barreling around the corner at 8 am just minutes after I told them "No Rice Krispie Treats for breakfast!", I shoved the uneaten half in the fridge before he could catch me.

And I went back to it later.

I don't like to waste food.

Well during this conversation with aforementioned friend I found out she's been known to sneak a treat or two in secrecy and yet another mom chimed in and admitted to a secret treat bin hiding underneath her bed (but her whole family knows about it, so it's not really secret, it's just off-limits to them but still.)

And when I was out at my sons' school volunteering for crafts a couple of weeks ago, we got into a discussion about our children's nutrition while we were waiting for the kids to come out of the classroom and we all traded stories about our secret candy hideouts. Everyone had one! It was fascinating!

This was all very random discussion, between random people in random places. Which leads me to believe that at any given moment, there is a mom or dad sneaking a Hershey's Kiss in a secret quiet corner of their home! Probably right even now as you're reading this, some poor chap is huddled in a dark corner eating a mini Hershey's Special Dark!

For us, it started after one of those holidays, you know, those candy-centered holidays like Halloween, Christmas or Easter when there is a huge massive ridiculous amount of candy and you, as a parent, are charged with regulating the children's intake and it falls upon you to do at least one of these things: hide it, toss it, or send it in to someone's breakroom or office.

So first you remove the candy from their Halloween buckets/stockings/Easterbaskets and you put it all in a baggie and you put it high up into a cabinet so that they can't reach it, you give them a couple of pieces at a time but eventually they forget about it and then you hear "crinkle crinkle crinkle" in the laundry room and yada yada yada, candy's gone.

That's how it is in my house.

Fortunately, once the mini-Reese's Peanut Butter Cups run out, I lose interest and the rest is for my husband.

You see, here's how I see it.

We all want our children to eat healthy. But obviously, they don't know how to eat healthy and in moderation unless we teach them. We obviously can't give them all the candy they've actually received from every neighbor/familymember/EasterBunny/and/or Santa, so we must remove it from their line of vision and dole it out accordingly.

But we, we know moderation (right?) So if they've already eaten the candy, they can't see you eating the candy because then they'll want the candy and remember they've probably already had candy.

So it appears that you're "sneaking around" in dark laundry room corners and I can certainly see how one can view it like that because it sure does feel like that but really you're just being a responsible parent.


Makes me feel better when I explain it that way, how bout you?

So fess up, people. Where are your hiding spots and where do you secretly treat eat? Come out of the closet! (No one's reading this, I promise.)

Totally unrelated: I just want to state for the record in another note that we have purchased the black and sparkly red tulle for the tutus we are running the Disney half-marathon in on Saturday and we will be making our tutus tonight. I cannot WAIT to post pictures! Hurrah!

That's all. Let's discuss the candy. And if you don't closet candy-eat (which I believe you do but you're just not telling me) then what do you plan to do with all your Halloween candy?


Shelley said...

Guilty! And let me tell you, it's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one! I may or may not have eaten a cookie for breakfast yesterday while the kids were staring mindlessly at the TV (and I huddled in the corner of the kitchen so they couldn't accidentally see me).

Christie O. said...

HUDDLED IN THE CORNER!! Buwahahahah! What I love most is the verbs that are coming out when I talk about this to other people. My husband's word when I told him I 'outed' him last night was, "cowering." HAHAHA!

Ryan @NoMoreBacon said...

Does using 1 M&M for the child as a potty training incentive and then eating a handful myself when they successfully use the bathroom fall into the "sneaky eating" category?


Good, I didn't think so.

katpogo said...

I'm just like the previous commenter. One for Grant, 20 for me! Ugh!

Jessi said...

Ha...this was SO funny to read! I used to pretend to be "looking out the kitchen window"...yeah, looking out the window while enjoying a donut! Ha! But since I started tracking my calories, I've not been hiding candy but low cal ice cream/fudge bars....behind the veggies. :-) A friend shared with me that she even dumps the spinach out of the box and replaces it with her ice cream bars so the kids stay faaar away from her treats.

Jules said...

So guilty of this! I have been known to stash stuff only to break it out when everyone is out of the house. Or take a spoon into the freezer for a large scoop of ice cream eaten with the door to the freezer still open to block me *hangs head in shame*.

runnin_mama2_4 said...

HaHa! Too funny! We have a walk in pantry with a door, so occasionally one of us (parents) will be quickly stuffing our face with a ding dong, candy bar, or eating right out of the chip bag before one of our four kids come lurking through the kitchen. I always know when hubby has been in there because I find candy wrappers in the recycling bin. He can't take the chance of someone seeing him walking out of the pantry to the garbage can with a wrapper in his hand!

Anonymous said...

That would be hunched in the pantry or in the car after a solo grocery trip. I throw the evidence in outside trash and then check my teeth for evidence...

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