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Monday, August 30, 2010

Mantra Monday: Break the Rules. Really. It's OK.

Mantra Monday
I'm posting late because I just got back from Vegas! Woohoo! We took the red-eye and of course I didn't sleep well on the plane and now I am home and back and school has started and so has life and it's all happily back to normal.

I had a hard time with some things last week and I got to thinking real hard about life and what you should and shouldn't do and when you should keep going and when you should let go.

I've mostly followed the rules in my life when it was important and of course there were times where I followed the rules and probably shouldn't have because I got nowhere and there are times when I broke the rules and found myself in a mess and there were times when I broke the rules and did the absolute right thing by doing it.

Perhaps a little fibbing or skipping proper channels to get ahead or to get noticed or going straight to the CEO to correct a situation where I've been wronged (or maybe even some fibbing or flirting to get into an event, maybe?)

Since becoming a mother, I have definitely found myself fighting more for the things I've believed in rather than letting things go. The "old me" would have let someone say something nasty and I'd walk away thinking, "Did that person just say that?" The "old me" wouldn't have gotten outwardly angry at someone and stick up for myself. The "old me" wouldn't push for that little bit of extra whatever. The "old me" was bashful and timid and afraid of what people thought about me. Most of which went out the window the day I had my first child. Last week I took a huge step in my life by using my voice and I'm proud of myself for doing it.

I don't know what it was, but something about motherhood has made me bolder and has given me the uncanny ability to see right through the bullsh*t and call someone out on it.

Last week, I believed whole-heartedly that the situation warranted letting go. It wasn't all a wash for me, there were some concessions made on both sides and after living with the decision for a week, I still believe I did the right thing. I love so much that so many of you left me kind comments and sent me e-mails of support which is why I love blogging so much because not only can I get this stuff off my chest (in this case in a round about way) but there is such a wonderful support system here, with so many extra ears and eyes and shoulders and words of wisdom that I can take with me and I love that so much.

One of the kindest emails I got came from a wonderful (badass) lady I trained with before she had the audacity to move away and she reminded me that it is indeed ok to break the rules and I love her spirit and fire about rule-breaking. She's the type of person who indeed grabs life by the horns and lives.

She reminded me of how important rule-breaking is, sometimes. And she's right.

Because sometimes the "rules" that were put in place weren't made to fit every situation anyway and then sometimes breaking the rules means getting further ahead (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, of course.)

Sometimes breaking the rules just means simply using your voice, your powerful woman voice that we put away so often because it just might not look good to do otherwise. Sometimes breaking the rules means taking a stance that's unpopular. Sometimes breaking the rules means being 35 and wearing tight leather pants anyway.

Rule-breaking can be amazing and she reminded me of how we should do it more! 

And she sent me this link about women behaving badly and it said this:

"Use your outside voice inside

Take the last serving

BE the unexpected

Say what you are really thinking

Let yourself be a bad mother for a day, or an hour, or a minute

Rock the boat!

Be shrill, be downright hysterical

Take the credit, take ALL of the credit, for a job well done

Think about yourself for a change"

It's from a blog at Title Nine and it is just so true.

I don't want to always follow the rules. I don't want to sit back and let someone else take my credit. I am not afraid to be hysterical (you would know this if you were sitting in that room with me last week), and I indeed said what I was really thinking. I rarely think about myself and take the last serving but I should and I will. Because why not?

There is something about this passage that reminds me that there is only one life here, that we are here to build it and live it the best that we can and that by letting some moments pass us we are letting life pass us and these are things I don't want to do.

I believe in stopping to take pictures even when I'm in a rush, I believe whole-heartedly in loopholes and I believe in breaking rules (as long as it's not vindictive and no one gets hurt.)

So what about you? Are you a rule breaker or a rule follower and when have you broken them and do you believe you should do it more?


Audrey said...

I am definitely a rule follower although I wish I had the nerve to break the rules a little more than I do. Okay, maybe a LOT more. ;)

Pubsgal said...

Knee-jerk rule follower here, mostly, and I wish I wasn't quite so much. (Especially when it comes to school-related stuff...*sigh*...I was well-conditioned to be the "good student" and this doesn't always serve me well when dealing with teachers and school administrators as a parent.) I think the hard part for me is deciding whether a rule needs breaking or not, whether there are consequences I'm not seeing that would negate the effectiveness of breaking the rule.

Kelly said...

I usually follow the rules, but I agree, being a mom has made me bolder. And I think being a wife has too. No one has ever challenged me like my husband does and it causes me to think through things more than I ever did before, so therefore I'm more confident in my beliefs/decisions. :)

Anonymous said...

"I rarely think about myself and take the last serving but I should and I will. Because why not?"

Uh. You're publishing a blog dedicated to how special you are, how you are entitled to things over other people and how the rules don't apply to you. So you plainly do think quite a lot about yourself. Being selfish is your choice but at least be honest. Further, allow me to say that there are many women who are driven by the need to rebel. Some channel this anger and produce something constructive. Others simply use it as an excuse to be self-centered, and one day find themselves alone.

Christie O. said...

Wow, thank you for your comment! I appreciate every piece of feedback I get, so thank you!

But I would love to make a few things clear.

My blog isn't dedicated to how special *I* am, it's dedicated to how special MOMS are. You can call that selfish and "entitled" if you want, but in fact, this comment is exactly why so many women are afraid to speak out and celebrate themselves!

My blog is not about self-ISH-ness, it's about self-LESSness, which most moms are. And it's about moms embracing their roles and finding their self-confidence and inner happiness. It's about being happy with who you are and all you do and trusting your instincts about the difficult decisions you are in charge of making every single day. Clearly you have only read this post and not my blog's "philosophy," up top.

Yes I do happen to think a lot about myself and it took 35 years to finally think so. I also think a lot about my wonderful readers who are real women full of beauty and UN-selfishness and love and they should be celebrated. They rarely ever are!

You should think a lot of yourself, too. You're worth it.

Pam said...

Here's my big, fat hug for the day -- your last comment totally made my day!

I've never seen what your previous oh-so-brave-let-me-share-my-thoughts-but-not-my-identity commenter sees in your posts, and heaven knows I have major issues with women who have kids then want a life totally separate from them, as if they were just accessories that they had to have to fit in with everyone else.

I love your new blog and I think you're wonderful, Christie! XOXOXO

Anonymous said...

You stinkin' rock.

Christy_TheSisterhood said...

You are one of THE most selfLESS people I know. I'm glad you're on my side, Christie, because I love you!!!

Heather D said...

I heart you Christie. And you are special. Because you are strong, because you are kind, because you are genuine.
And especially for killing 'Anonymous' with kindness.
Not sure I could do that. I'm more likely to say 'SUCK IT' to someone who is willing to try to make you feel bad about yourself but doesn't have the balls to identify themselves.

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My Favorite Quotes

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

I tri because one day I didn't believe in myself. And then one day I did.

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist." - Jack London

Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.

"Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History."- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Live life PASSIONATELY, laugh OUT LOUD, love UNCONDITIONALLY. - from my spoon rest.

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