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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Letting Go.

Remember that uncomfortable life situation I was talking about earlier in the week (kinda sorta but not)?

In short, it went exactly the opposite of how I hoped it would.

I was defeated and everything inside of me felt defeated too.

I left feeling like someone else thinks they know what's better for my family than I do and the mother bear inside me was pretty angry about it.

And I hate feeling that way because I always wonder if it were someone else, would they have said the right thing? Made the right argument? Had the right demeanor? Was it because of my big gaudy purse?I should've brought a smaller purse.

Why wasn't I convincing enough?

Under the circumstances (that I can't really discuss here openly), it is just something I have to buck up and live with for quite a few reasons but I guess the actual situation is not what I want to write about anyway.

What I want to write about is the prayers that I had going into it.

I prayed to God that He would give me strength to say what I needed to say. To be strong enough not to back down and to be strong enough to accept the outcome, whichever way it goes.

In the end, no, I don't think it was my clothes. Or my height or demeanor or what I said or didn't say or the color of my cape on that day.

Even though I felt as if the world had collapsed when the decision did not go my way, and oh yes, I cried about it because it hurts when you believe with your whole being that you know best but that's not good enough, I believe it's not really my answer anyway, nor was it my decision.

It was His.

And that is just it.

So today, I am letting go and believing that we are indeed in the right place, because He made it so, and that it will be ok.

My prayers were answered even though it might not be the outcome I had wanted.

He stood by me and allowed me to say what I needed to say. He gave me the strength to stand up for my feelings and my family when in the past I would have been too scared to. And even though it was hard at first, I'm strong enough to accept the outcome and accept the fact that it's something I cannot change. Sometimes it's not just about what I want.

I don't even want to just grit my teeth and go through the motions here moving forward. I want to truly believe that this is the path laid before me and I'm going to embrace it with everything I have.

And trust.

And let go.

Have you ever been in a situation where you had to let go?


Kirsten said...

Yes, one that I felt just as you described. And it does all work out for the best after there is time for acceptance. ((hugs)) to you my sweet friend.

Carrie said...

I have this printed and posted by my desk. Someday's it helps to remember it.
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that
has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Heather D said...

Girl, I have this going on right now. Actually for the past year. I have to remind myself that even though I want to fix things, help people, sometimes, they don't want help. And I can't force it.
So letting go, yeah, I'm there.
Love you sweetie! Huge hugs.

Brooke said...

i feel like the whole battle with anemia was God forcing me to let go of the idol that i had made exercising. it sucks, it hurts, but he really, truly knows best.

Pubsgal said...

(((hug))). Oh, honey, I've been there many times. Usually it's just something affecting me, but it really bites when it's something that affects our families, doesn't it?

You are such a great parent, and a strong woman! I believe that your path going forward is going to unfold to be even more incredible than you had planned. (God tends to be kind of show-offy that way. ;-) Yes, there's grief and hurt, and you're so wise to realize that and yet know that you also have the strength to let go. I'll be keeping you & yours in my thoughts & prayers.

Beki said...

I am having a hard time letting go of a family situation. I'm trying - but I miss my dad, and because my step mom has decided I'm the devil for standing up for myself, my dad has severed our relationship too. I know I did the right thing. But I miss my dad. There's nothing I can do about it and I have a ton of support and what my friends call, "chosen family" which is awesome. But I still miss my dad.

I would love to let go of this. It's out of my control. It's their choice. My door and heart isn't the one shut. It's theirs.

I'm sorry you are going through whatever it is that this post is about. You are an amazing and inspiring woman! I feel lucky to have met you, and hope someday to meet you IRL!


Audrey said...

Yes. Been there. Wish I had words of wisdom. Love you!

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Acceptance can be even harder than the actual outcome. I've struggled with this too. But you prayed on it and trusted God and even though it's not what you wanted it's what is... for now. HUGS to you and know that you aren't alone. And I'll say an extra prayer for ya too :)

Anonymous said...

i felt exactly that way about our lawsuit. im still bitter and still having trouble letting go. we were wronged and it changed the way i see people and the world. i hope you do better with letting go than i have!

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