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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Give It Hell

You know that point you get to where it hurts, the point where your body wants to give out and say it's over? It can't take it anymore and it's begging you to stop? The point where your body, your actual fibers are breaking and your mind just wants to turn it off?

Where the pain is almost unbearable?

Yes. That point.

We've all been there.

I'm there right now in my mind. Tomorrow I will be there in my body.

I took one look at the swim course when we got to Miami, the 1.2 mile swim course, I sat down on the bank and my eyes started to fill involuntarily out of fear, And as I blinked the tears away, I reminded myself that I chose this, that somewhere inside of me at some point, believed that this was fun.

It is fun. It's supposed to be fun.

I love doing this! (Remember?)

Besides, that point? Ya know that point where it hurts?

That's the place you need to go to find change.

Change for the better or just change for the different.

It happens in society, it happens in our lives, it happens in our bodies, it happens in our minds.

Things just can't stay the same. They just can't.

In order to move forward, you must break down the obstacles, all the little tiny buoys in the distance that you can't even see, one at a time.

You must keep going, you must, even through the pain, because then and only then is when you finally see change.
If you can't tell already, triathlon to me is as much a mind sport as it is a body sport. Because it's daunting to me. The challenge, the barriers, the boundaries you have to break to get to the finish line and those are the very reasons why I keep doing it, because in breaking down the barriers, barriers of pain and in fear, I've seen change in myself.

When my eyes filled and I finally calmed down and took a couple breaths, I began to try and look at the buoys differently. Just like in weight-loss, one decade at a time. Here, in pool lengths.  Out to the first buoy, about 10 pool lengths. I did that the other day in just over 10 minutes and I had tons left. That was a warm up. I can do this.

The next two buoys, which I can hardly even see in the distance, are just some more pool lengths. A date night swim workout. I can do that.

Just get to the next buoy.

And then the next.

And the next.

The lake is crystal clear. The critter life, nothing compared to the ocean world. They're just buoys. Anyone can swim to a buoy.

Right?

Today I forgot how to be at peace. How to calm down. Right now I'm finding my way again.

It's always hard to spend the night before a race trapped inside my own mind, even if I am just racing against myself.  I always feel I have a lot to prove to myself so tomorrow I don't want to let myself down.

Tonight, I may or may not sleep.

But whether I do or not, I'll see the finish line clearly and goddammit I'm crossing it.

I'm gonna give it hell.

5 comments:

Bacardi Mama said...

I don't doubt for a minute that you are going to give it hell. You will most definitely cross that finish line and you'll be awesome and amazing. You are my hero and my inspiration more than you will ever know. I'll be with you every step of the way. You might not see me, but if you listen real close, you may just hear me cheering you on. The very best of luck to you Christie! XOXO

Skinny Sushi said...

You continue to be such an inspiration. Thanks for writing exactly what I needed to hear today.

imadramamama said...

Good God Almighty, woman. I love you! You are going to do awesome! I KNOW IT! I can not WAIT to see the beautiful picture of your smiling beaming face at the end. That's what's going to keep me going tomorrow...

Roo said...

You continue to amaze and inspire me. Love you!

AnnG said...

You did it!! I knew you would!! I'm so proud of you!!

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I tri because one day I didn't believe in myself. And then one day I did.



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