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Thursday, August 05, 2010

More on the "Average Moms Wear Capes" Philosophy

This is my inaugural week of Average Moms Wear Capes and you may or may not have read about my "philosophy" behind it already. But I thought I might expand a little because it turns out it's something I'm pretty passionate about.

Over the course of the last two years, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching. You see, my whole life I've chased happiness.

I went to college, I went to New York City, I went to Salt Lake City, I chased after writing and producing jobs, I chased, I chased and I chased.

I never felt complete. Each time I chased, I thought it would be the last time. I thought I'd find my ultimate fulfillment.

I got married, I had children, stayed home with the kids, felt pretty darned good about this stage of life. But still, something was missing.

I thought I missed my career, yet it wasn't enough for me to actually go back to work. I thought I needed a hobby. I thought I needed to volunteer for something. I thought I needed to lose weight. Take a class in something. Make my own babyfood, homemade party invitations, be the class "mom." And I did all these things and they all felt good but it still didn't fill that hole I felt.

And then one day, almost like a switch, OH MY GOSH! I was happy.

Turns out it was there all along. But I ignored it. Because I found it within ME. (Go figure.)
I call this the day I found "my cape."

Because there was finally a day where I actually believed I could do what I wanted to do and be who I wanted to be and not be self-conscious about it and not wish I were someone else and not wish I looked like that girl over there.

I believe it happened somewhere along the weight-loss journey and that's why I believe the weight-loss journey is much more about the "journey" and less about the "weight-loss" itself. I believe it happened sometime after I crossed the finish line of my first triathlon. Yet, I don't believe it was the triathlon itself. I think that there was finally a point where I had actually gone really far in pushing myself to reach a goal, surpassing obstacles (which for me is a lot of my own head), overcoming fear and seeing my family change as I changed. I found out that I didn't have to keep trying to be "SuperMom" (or "SuperWOMAN"). Because first of all:

a. My job description alone made me "Super."
b. At least two little beings in my household think I'm already pretty darned "Super," no matter what I do or how I do it and whether or not my invitations and party favors are "homemade".

And I have been witness to so many of my beautiful momfriends and I have been in constant awe of their sacrifices, their work, their strength, their drive, their ability to fit it all in even though they don't feel like they do along with their amazing ability to diffuse a tantrum in 1.2 seconds, and it dawned on me that us moms are a pretty strong, pretty darned stubborn awesome bunch of women who truly need to believe in ourselves MORE. And wear our capes out loud! Because we ALL have them!

Without us, the very family framework falters. We're the glue. We're the rock. We juggle everything. We maintain 1,000,000 different lists. We assume 1,000,000 different roles and can change them within seconds. And whoever made up that term "Supermom" should be shot, honestly (please excuse me, I'm not usually violent). But we all try to "reach" this ideal that's been set out into the universe for us by some person out there who made us believe that such a thing actually exists, but then we never quite feel like we live up to those expectations, and then we feel like guilty failures because something we juggled happened to slip and then we sarcastically and inevitably mutter, "Yep. I'm "Mom of the Year."

Well I'm here to tell you that that "SuperMom" term can suck it. That the "Average Mom" is already "SuperMom."

I believe that we hide our capes when we don't cut ourselves some slack. We hide them when we feel like failures or we carry around mom-guilt for something. We hide them when we don't believe in ourselves, when we put ourselves last and when we let "time" get in the way of our awesome greatness. We hide them when we put ourselves down, compare ourselves to other moms or other women, and when we don't take care of our bodies and our minds. I just wanted to bring the following to your attention.


Mother. Definition by Webster’s:
Main Entry: moth•er Pronunciation: \ˈmə-thər\
Function: noun
1 a : a female parent

Really? That’s it?

Oh, I don’t think so. No offense Mr. Webster, I'm sure you're a really nice guy and all, but I'm afraid you're missing a couple a things here.

Mother. As defined and redefined by mothers everywhere:
Parent. Guardian. Nurse. Baby-whisperer. Provider. Primary food-source. Health advocate. Hunter. Gatherer. Protector. Artist. Personal trainer. Fitness instructor. Chef. Chauffer. Race-car driver. Safety Administrator. Boss. Employee. Secretary. Accountant. Math- English-Social Studies-History-Geography-Science-Etiquette teacher. Ethics teacher. Tutor. Astronomer. Tour guide. Hostess. Waiter. Photographer. Media specialist. Party and event planner. Designer. Hair stylist. Home Decorator. Personal assistant. Football-baseball-basketball-soccer player. Coach. Advisor. Personal shopper. Lifeguard. Swimmer. Gymnast. Dancer. Conductor. Singer. Referee. Mediator. Mentor. Friend. Writer. Mail Carrier. Coordinator. Vending machine. Activist. Organizer. Etc, etc, etc... (feel free to add something I missed!)

And that’s just our first job! That doesn’t even begin to mention our second jobs, you know, the ones outside the home?

So. I ask you, why are we, average mommies everywhere, still striving to be  “SuperMom?” WE ALREADY ARE! (Do I really have to keep saying this??)

Yes, we are the "average everyday mommy." We are the ones with the voice. We are the ones who spend the money that companies want to target. We can do anything we want because we are capable of anything.

We would never in a million years want our children to stop short of living out their dreams, of being the best that they can be and of living their lives without regret, right?

So why would we want that for ourselves?

Yes. Average Moms Wear Capes. I believe we should not let another day go by without them proudly.
Today, I choose to be happy. Today, I choose to believe in myself. Today, I choose to live my life and not let anything, not time, not money, and especially not weight, stand in my way. Today, I choose to wear my cape out loud.

No regrets.

How about you?

5 comments:

Kirsten said...

I'm glad you found your cape. I know I have mine and wear it proudly most days. Some days it may be a little more crumpled and wrinkly than others, but it's still there. Some days, though, I want to throw it in the hall closet and then run in my closet and hide, but such is life with three kids, right?

Saretta said...

YEAH! You got it! I'm with you all the way! :-) Funny, but a lot of my self-confidence came when I started working out and running, too. Which coincided with being in my 40s when, instead of feeling old, I started feeling beautiful and in control. Got my cape on! Flapping in the wind!

Dawn said...

Oh, I so agree! I felt that freedom & empowerment both after I finished my first 5k, then my first 10k, then my Half marathon, and then again when I skydived. It's about doing what WE want...for ourselves. For no other reason, other than self-fulfillment.

You have a great blog! :)

Pubsgal said...

Doing something athletic did that for me, too. It gave me a big ol' boost of confidence, finishing races, especially since I never considered myself to be athletic. So yep, my cape is flapping, loud and proud!

CJ said...

Great post. I agree with your philosophy whole-heartedly! It is very similar to my philosphy that motivated me to start my own blog "Killing Superwoman." http://killsuperwoman.blogspot.com

I woke up happy one day as well. Happy because after decades of searching, I was finally satisfied with myself and who I was. I killed superwoman, that image and standard outside of myself that I was trying to live up to. I love how you put it - I found my own cape! It was right under my clothes, my own skin, the entire time!

Returning your follow from MBC.

CJ

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My Favorite Quotes

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby



I tri because one day I didn't believe in myself. And then one day I did.



"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist." - Jack London



Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.



"Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History."- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich



Live life PASSIONATELY, laugh OUT LOUD, love UNCONDITIONALLY. - from my spoon rest.

"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." - Ferdinand Foch